Training and stretching your ass for anal sex takes practice and patience. Follow these guidelines and you’ll cry out in pleasure rather than pain.
1. For anal beginners, a good rule of thumb is to start with a 1″-1.25″ diameter plug. But if you want a more exact idea of what size you should begin with, play with your fingers. Lube them up, see how many you can fit in your butt, then measure their circumference. Divide your measurement by pi and choose a plug with a diameter as close to this as possible.
If you attempt an increment much bigger than this, either it won’t go in or you’ll hurt yourself. If you try a smaller increment, you may find it too easy and too similar to your previous toy.
I’ve only ever applied this rule to plugs, not dildos. I think it’s best to stretch yourself with plugs and let the girth of your dildos trail behind by about 1″ in circumference.
Once you can handle a plug for a few hours per session, you’re ready to size up.
But there’s no need to stop after only a few hours. Keep going as long as it’s comfortable. You can even sleep while plugged, though you’ll feel sore in the morning.
Increasing the duration of your plugging isn’t as helpful as increasing the girth of your plugs. But it’s still very helpful.
4. Choose plugs with low bulb-to-neck ratios. A thick neck is your sphincters’ friend.
For example, I wouldn’t recommend b-Vibe’s Snug Plugs. Their necks are thin, so they’ll give your rectum a good stretch, but they’ll only stretch your sphincters during insertion and removal. Your sphincters are the tightest part of your ass—particularly your inner sphincter, which is incredibly difficult to relax consciously—so they need the bulk of your attention.
So before you ever attempt to take a penis, you need to be able to handle a plug that’s about 1″ in circumference thicker.
Thrusting feels very different from plugging. Even if you could insert a giant 14″ circumference plug, I wouldn’t recommend anal sex until you’ve tried thrusting with a toy as thick as your partner.
For plugging, I recommend coconut oil. It lasts longer than water-based lube and, unlike silicone-based lube, it won’t damage silicone toys.
Also consult this lube compatibility chart before you buy anything. Some types of lube can ruin toys or break condoms.
They need to learn what your butt enjoys and what pisses your butt off. If you wait to involve them in your anal play until you think you’re ready for sex, they’re going to be a crappy lover.
If they’re willing, you should also play with their ass. Even if it’s just a finger or a small plug, it will help them empathize with you and understand what pleasures and difficulties you’re going through.
Stretching yourself for anal sex is going to take several toys, and likely several months.
If you rush the process, you won’t enjoy it and you might hurt yourself. Keep it slow to keep it fun.
I’ll stick to plugs, since dildos have a lot more variety. I have a separate article dedicated to general butt plug recommendations, so I’ll focus on plugs that work well for stretching your ass.
Tantus’ Ringo is a big plug that doubles as an awesome stretcher. Its girth may intimidate you, but no worries: You’ll never need to insert the whole thing. The long, smooth taper makes it a great stretcher and foreplay tool. If you’re having difficulty with another toy because its head is blunt, Ringo will open you up. It can help at any stage of play, whether you’re pushing your girth limit or you’ve just pulled your pants down.
My favourite plugs are SquarePeg’s Egg Plugs. They’re wonderfully squishy and comfy in SuperSoft. They come in nine well-spaced sizes, so you can safely progress through their ranks. Best of all, their bulb-to-neck ratios are lower than most plugs, so they’re great at stretching sphincters. The only downside is the cost.
If you’d prefer less expensive plugs, check out Pipedream’s Anal Fantasy Collection Silicone Plugs. They come in six sizes: mini, small, medium, large, xl, and mega. The silicone is firmer than I personally prefer, but the shape is ergonomic. Unfortunately, their thin necks make them less than ideal for stretching sphincters. Still, if you’re on a budget, they’re worth it.
But fyi, these Pipedream plugs come with a small tube of Anal Eaze. Throw that shit out. Desensitizing your ass is a bad idea. You need to be able to feel pain. That’s how you know when something’s wrong.
The plugs with the lowest bulb-to-neck ratios I know of are Vixen’s Tristan 1, 1.5, and 2. They’re first-rate sphincter stretchers. And if you wear Tristan 2 right before anal sex, you may be able to jump right into things with minimal foreplay, since its neck has a 5 ⅛” circumference.
If you follow this guide, I’m confident that when you have anal sex, your butt will be well-prepared.